Nope, Not for Me.

I received this email from a “Friend.” I dug into the program offered and sent a response. It is likely he just took a company produced marketing piece, added his name and email then sent it to his entire email list. It is this type of “Friend” marketing that pisses me off.

The email:

“David,

I hope all is well with you and your family. With the New Year fast approaching, many of us always have the intention to get healthier as the New Year approaches. I wanted to drop a note to see if you or someone you may know would be interested in learning about an Optimal Health Program that my wife and I recently discovered.  This program is a “Life Style Program – NOT a DIET” which teaches us how to create “Habits of Health” which leads to Lifelong Transformation and ultimately reaching and maintaining each individuals “Optimal Health” for their age.  My wife has been on the program a little over a year and has lost 85 pounds and off her medications and I recently started a few months ago and already down 30 pounds and come off my daily inhalers for my asthma.   My wife and I have been so inspired on how this program has changed our lives that we are now paying it forward and helping others do the same.  We both have our Certification as Health Coaches and our services are absolutely free with this program.  Our program has daily support, an amazing community of like-minded people, proven nutrition, is simple and convenient and is backed by over 20,000 physicians.”

My response:

Hi XXXXX,

Amazingly, I remain alive and well without supplement, pharmaceutical or program enrollment. Certainly, at 62, according to important television commercials I should have high blood pressure, an irregular heartbeat and a flaccid penis. None of those maladies concern me. Additionally, I don’t have diabetes, memory loss, balding, skin lesions, bladder control issues, back pain, headaches, excessive stinky gas, heart burn, asthma, COPD, toe nail fungus, athletes food, foul breath, bad teeth, gum rot, need for eye glasses, point pain or trouble either taking a shit or not being able to contain my shit.

Against all convention I am healthy and as a rule get a good night’s sleep without the use of a CPAP machine, nasal strip, special doctor recommended pillow, or medically developed mouth guard.

As far as losing weight, dropping 30 pounds might put me in a coma or at least earn me a role acting as a survivor of a WWII concentration camp.  Should my wife drop 85 pounds, well that would mean a loss of 77% of her entire body.  She too remains a constant irritant to the dietary supplement, quasi-medical businesses and drug industry that as yet do not have a pill or program for her current state of health.

Surely, sooner or later there will be a much-needed pill for healthy individuals and another non-FDA reviewed annuity will be born.  I think Big-Pharma is working on a sugar pill for healthy people. The pill will do nothing – the common impact of most supplements and programs on our general population. That pill will be entirely a social grace. As such, healthy people can socially needlessly pop a pill like the bulk of supplement/program consumers. The placebo pill once consumed can then be both safe and effectively voided in order to circumvent rumors or questions as to why the otherwise healthy person is not eating a supplement or drug.

While I congratulate you and your wife on earning a “Certification as Health Coaches” I feel confident my doctorate is more comprehensive. Good luck with your endeavor. It isn’t for me. Don’t let that discourage you. As H. L. Mencken said, “Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people.”

But, thanks for asking.