I take nearly all the photographs on this website. That’s the reason there are so few photographs of yours truly. There’s also the irritation of looking over pictures of me. When I see them I’m as joyful as I am when I hear my own voice on a recording.
When I worked a real job I needed a greeting on my voice mail. I tried my best but there was nothing to be done that would improve the way I sounded to myself. So, I got somebody else of create my voice mail greeting.
I can’t get a model to pose for me in photographs. I don’t own Photoshop so there’s no way to make me look tall and handsome. The bulk of the pictures of me on this website have been taken by my wife. She is not an eager photographer. So, several of the pictures I’m embarrassed to say are selfies.
At being an expert selfie photographer I admit right here I am a failure. Not only does the subject matter fall short the amateurish result is pitiful.
On Facebook a selfie popped up so I studied it hoping I’d figure out the as yet unrecognized technique to self capture a self image . The effort to improve my skill at self-portrait led me down a path of discovery. Along that journey a number of common selfies were ruled out.
Immediately, the band of drunks was eliminated. To begin with I am not a drunk and neither are my friends. The driver pose in the driver’s seat car shot is a none starter for me. When I’m driving, I’m driving and not playing with my cell phone.
I tried the bicycle ride selfie but have ruled that out of my repertoire. Those attempts were conducted while coasting and still I nearly crashed. Running selfies are easier but they all reflected the strain of the run. Why broadcast my inability to smile, laugh, and leap into the air when I am running.
Then, there’s that ubiquitious puffy lip thing that shows up on Facebook every few seconds. It is the selfie that launched me on this path.
I wondered about that one. Does it come naturally? Do people sit in front of a mirror for hours practicing to have puffy lips and sunken cheeks? I didn’t know. So, I tried.
Clearly, this is not an innate ability. It seemed near impossible to get my lips to puff (Admittedly, I have thin lips). Were these people getting injections of Botox? Maybe.
What the experience taught me was that like everything to get the puffy lip selfie right meant practice. It is a practice that isn’t going to end up of my list of skills needed to perfect.
I suppose in general I just don’t get it. As such, I’ll continue to share photographs of the stuff I’m doing but rest easy there will not be an abundance of selfies on this website.